I’ve kept the note in my wallet since then, waiting for perfect opportunities to bust it out. I only had the courage a couple of times while paying for something cheap, getting the note out and saying “do you have change for this?”
Usually met with zero to mild amusement, I was dissatisfied.
BUT THEN… The other day Katie and I were eating at a pizza place. When it was time to pay, the waitress tapped my card on the card machine. “Can I leave a tip on the machine?” I asked, but it was too late! Neither Katie nor I had any change on us. We apologised.
Once the waitress had left I scoured my wallet for sneaky quids, and noticed the billion dollar note tucked amongst some receipts. There followed a whispered discussion. Should we leave it as a tip? Will she find it funny, or think we’re taking the piss? Am I even ready to part with this joke that only I seem to enjoy? In the end we agreed she seemed to have a sense of humour, so we left it tentatively in the dish for her to find once we’d gone.
While Katie was unlocking her bike I peered anxiously through the window. Why hasn’t she picked up the dish yet??? Is she going to be angry?! Will she hate us?!! Oh god. What have I done.
The waitress approached our table. She picked up the note to inspect it… and looked puzzled. I held my breath.
A massive grin spread over her face and she started laughing! SUCCESS! She held the billion dollar note aloft to show a table of diners, giggling.
As we walked past she merrily tucked it in her shirt for safe keeping, noticed us and gave an excited wave. We waved back and gave a thumbs up, happy in the knowledge that the joke was enjoyed.
On the walk home I remembered this image I’d seen earlier that day on Wholesome Memes…